You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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