I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
