Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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