Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
