I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize