Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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