and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
