I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
