I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
