Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
