She's JV to your varsity
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
its liver damage thursday
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
