But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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