Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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