i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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