My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
