I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
