I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
