i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
