i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
