I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
