Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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