Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
