I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dicks are not precious.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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