alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize