Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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