when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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