i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
