Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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