I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
