I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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