I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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