You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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