So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
