In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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