Whod you bang
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
