There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
