how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
