Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
