Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
