if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
