She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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