i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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