I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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