If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
