I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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