was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
is that a dick in a sweater?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
