why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
