ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
