Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
All I want is dick and wine.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
