Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize