I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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