Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Everyone says I win the strip club
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
