Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
