Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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