i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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