I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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