whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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