yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
