We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
