hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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