I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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