why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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