I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize