i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You're like the curious george of whores
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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