dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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