I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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