Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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