I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
