i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
