Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
